How do I deal with grief ?

I recently had to deal with the death of two individuals who were very dear to me, and it really brought home how emotionally earth shattering it can be, when dealing with a tragic loss. Many times, we sweep our emotions under the rug , thinking that the pain will go away if we ignore it. However, if we do not confront or acknowledge the pain, it may lead to more emotional trauma later on.It is during times like these, we really need to lay our cares upon the Lord and have faith in his promises.

Matthew 11:28 says "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

With the onset of COVID-19, I have seen a rise in people who are suffering from depression, anxiety,panic attacks,and are grieving about the loss of a loved one. Emotional trauma is real and it can have a crippling emotional effect on an individual,so it is important that we understand the stages of grief, and how to deal with it. This way we can assist a friend or family member who needs our support.

In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “Five Stages of Grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one or a break-up.

Please note that not everyone will go through all these stages, but knowing this process will help you to have a better understanding of how some individuals may grieve.

The Five Stages of Grief

1. Denial: “I don’t believe this is happening to me.”

2. Anger: “Why me? I don’t deserve this!”

3. Bargaining: “Please help me, I promise I will not_________.”

4. Depression: “Why bother anymore. I am tired of everything.”

5. Acceptance: “I just need to take it one day at a time.”

How do I deal with my grief?

1. Acknowledge that you are grieving.

2. Understand that you may experience a surge of unexpected emotions, such as shock, anger, and sadness, due to grief.

3. Know that your grieving process may be unique to you.

4. Accept support from the individuals who truly care about you.

5. Take time for yourself by using self-care as part of the grieving process. Self-care is a purposeful activity that promotes your physical, emotional, and mental health.

6. Recognize the difference between grief and depression. They may both have similar symptoms such as intense sadness, insomnia, a lack of appetite and weight loss. However, grief may decrease over time, but may be triggered by thoughts or reminders about the deceased individual or whatever occurred to cause the grief. Depression tends to be more persistent and pervasive, which if left unchecked, can have detrimental results or lead to clinical depression.

7. Pray and seek spiritual guidance to help you through the grief process. Speak with a counselor, a pastor or an individual who is qualified to address your emotional trauma/grief.

How do you offer comfort to someone who is grieving?

1. Lend a listening ear. Be understanding and patient.

2. Respect and understand that everyone grieves differently.

3. Understand that a grieving person will have mood swings (anger, sadness etc.)

4. Try not to offer advice to the individual, talk about how you feel or try to compare your situation to theirs.

5. Refrain from asking too many questions about the person(s) who died or the situation which is causing their grief, unless they are comfortable with volunteering the information.

6. Try to help with everyday tasks and responsibilities.

7. Stay connected by calling or texting on a regular basis.

8. Make sure to ask how they are doing. Cook a meal, send a small gift, send an inspirational note/card, or a text message that will encourage them.

9. Get help and support for them if needed.

10. Pray for them

11. Time will help in the healing process, so make sure to remind them how much they are loved.

Blessings,

Tameka Williams MEd, CMLC

Certified Master Life Coach and Counselor

Reference Scriptures:

1. Psalms 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

2. Psalms 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

3. Matthew 11:28-30 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”